Nowadays the bullet train that is life seems to start from the day you enter high school, if not before. It goes 100mph and there doesn’t appear to be any stops. Your parents, coaches, teachers and every other person tell you that you need to get into a good college, choose a major, get a well paying job, and on and on and on. Ahhhhhh!!!!!!
It’s as if these authority figures buckle you into the train and push start, not even offering you a second to think about why you’re actually on the train in the first place. Before you know it you’re just along for the ride and feel like you’re living a life you never chose for yourself.
The College Train
It starts with the push towards college. While still young enough to play with dolls and Transformers your parents tell you that you need to go to college, that you MUST go to college. They never really tell you why you need to go, other than to say something generic like, “If you don’t go to college you’ll never get a job.”
They hammer this message into your brain so often as a young kid that you just accept it as part of life. Just like it’s a legal requirement to go to High School you assume it’s a requirement to go to college. You’re just a kid and don’t know what the hell you’re doing so you just go along with it and think “I must go to college.”
Once High School starts it becomes all about getting into the right college. To get the good job you need to get into the good college and to get into the good college you need to get good grades and do a lot of extracurricular activities. So, your coaches are on your ass about your activities, your teachers are on your ass about your grades, and your parents are on your ass about everything. You are no longer learning to expand your mind, or joining the drama club to enjoy acting, or playing sports to have fun – you are doing it all to get into the good college.
“I have to get into the good college, I must!”
You blindly go through High School not really knowing why you’re doing anything. There’s no time to think for yourself about what you actually want. All you know is that you have a packed schedule and a giant helping of pressure to get into the good college.
The Major Train
Finally you make it into the good college. Congratulations! Now you can rest, right? Nope, not even close. Before you even walk onto campus you’re going to start getting pressure about picking your major because the good majors get the good jobs.
You’ve been so focused on getting into college that you haven’t truly explored what you really want to do with your life. Sure you have some ideas and probably thought about it but you haven’t really dug in and done the necessary soul searching. But that’s OK because you’ll at least have some time to explore and figure it out right?
Not really. You’ll get a semester or two to take some exploratory classes but most of these classes will be “required” by the college so you’re not so much taking time to do self-exploration as you are checking the boxes on your required classes. I mean, if you were really doing self-exploration would you be taking calculus?
It doesn’t really matter what you’re interested in anyway. Your parents don’t care much what you like or don’t like, they’re interested in you getting the good job so that you can make the good money and live on your own. You like Art History? No one gives a shit son, that doesn’t pay the bills. You hate math? Don’t care, accountants make good money.
Your parents shove the U.S. News article down your throat which lists the top paying majors. “Here, read this and decide what you want to do with your life.”
While all of this is going on you realize you’re on your own for the first time and the social dynamic of your life has completely changed. No more curfews, no more parents monitoring your every move, and less structure than you’ve ever had before.
The only thing you really have to do is show up to class once in a while because if you don’t your parents are going to be all over your ass…again. This reinforces the feeling that you aren’t there to explore, you’re there to fulfill an obligation – attend classes and get good grades so you can get the good job.
No one is talking about exploring your passions or finding your purpose, they just want you to get a job that comes with a decent paycheck and benefits. Since you don’t feel like you’re in control you set school on auto-pilot and invest much of your time into learning the art of the keg stand. School is just something to do in between parties.
Now you’re two years in and the most exploration you’ve done is to figure out how quickly you can funnel a beer. Time’s up. You have to decide your major which will then decide the job you work for the next 40 years or so.
This is when the train feels like it’s going 1000 mph because the ever important major that your parents are pressuring you to choose is going to turn into a job that you’re going to have to get immediately after college ends.
So, you pick a major. Not because you’re passionate about it or because you love the field of study but because you read that US News article and it said employment opportunities are good and the median salary for people just out of school for that field is $60,000. Your parents are happy and since your whole life has been structured around pleasing your parents you make yourself believe that you’ve chosen correctly.
For the next two years you dive into the exciting world of Accounting, Information Systems, or whatever other field of study you selected based on the US News article. You convince yourself that you’re excited about it but in reality you’re not spending much time thinking of your future career. You’re more focused on milking the last ounce of fun out of college.
Now it’s time to graduate. The party is over. But the train I still going. Now it’s time to get a job.
The Job Train
You land a decent job with a decent wage and your parents are ecstatic. You’re a 22 year old Information Systems Analyst making $52,350 per year. Congratulations, your parents’ dreams have come true. And your 10 year old self wants to kick your ass because…well, you’re an Information Systems Analyst.
During the first year of work you are still living the college life in a way, hitting happy hour with your friends 4 nights out of the week. You’re making your own money and work is something new so there is some level of excitement to it. It sucks that you have to wake up everyday at 7am but oh well. You have money in your pocket and you’re still going to the bars on a regular basis. Life is good.
But now you’re two years in and that new car smell of your career has gone away. Your friends are getting boyfriends and girlfriends or taking on more responsibility at the job so the happy hours decline.
Now you’re just another working stiff. And it all hits you like a ton of bricks. BOOM!
“This job sucks. I hate it. What am I doing? How did I get here?”
You are now living out the result of being pushed along on the train without really being given the opportunity to think for yourself or explore what you actually want to do with your life.
Congratulations, you went to the good college, chose the good major, and got the good job. And it sucks.
Get off the Train!!!
My point is this…get off the train!
Look, I’m not saying you need to completely dismiss your parents, drop out of school, or join the local hippie commune. All I’m saying is that you need to stop and think about why you’re doing the things you’re doing and make sure the reasons align with your desires for your life. YOUR life, not your parents’ lives or your teachers’ lives.
Why do you want to go to college?
Do you even want to go to college?
What are you passionate about?
What is your purpose?
If you don’t know what your goals, desires or purpose are that’s fine. Frankly I don’t expect you to know those things at a young age. My whole point is to take some time and think about those things so that you can pursue the life you want for yourself.
Do self-exploration. Read books about finding your purpose like What Color is my Parachute? or The Purpose Driven Life. Take a gap year in between high school and college or in the middle of college so that you can explore the world and yourself.
Whatever you do, just make sure to stop and think about what you want out of this life for yourself. Because if you don’t, someone else will push you along on that train and you’ll end up with the life they want for you. And then you’ll wake up one day and realize you’re unhappy and unfulfilled.
I will be writing more blogs about how to do this self-exploration but for now just stop…and think.
Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this? Is this what I want? Is this good for me?”